How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
