i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
