my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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