The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
