Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
