BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
