I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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