I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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