He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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