thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
