who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
