do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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