susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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