i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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