I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
