my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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