So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
