I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize