I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
