Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
