I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Congratulations! We have a period
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
