all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
