bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
