do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
