I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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