ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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