god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
