she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
