Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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