I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
