I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Shame is for Republicans.
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