woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
