so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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