Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
