if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
