i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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