Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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