i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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