Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
