I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
