I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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