I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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