He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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