YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
