my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
