I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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