wakey wakey hands off snakey
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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