Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
