so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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