i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
