ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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