My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Drunk is a universal language darling
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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