Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize