I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
