The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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