you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
do herpes really smell.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
