life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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