the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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