Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
