why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
