I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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