Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
