Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
